Thursday, September 6, 2018

Burning From Boston

"Well it seems to me, that all real communities grow out of a shared confrontation with survival. Communities are not produced by sentiment or mere goodwill. They grow out of a shared struggle. Our situation in the desert is an incubator for community." - Larry Harvey (co-founder of Burning Man)

Contents:
TL/DR - Jump to a Section
Preface
Introduction
Expectations
Don’t Die
Preparation
Walmart as a New Level of Hell
Entry
Day 1
Player on the Playa
Thunderdome Should be an Olympic Sport
Orgy Dome, Nudity, and Consent
Typical Day
When Disaster Strikes the Playa Will Provide
Other Musings
The Man
The Temple
Gallery
Leave No Trace
Exodus
This Trip Can Burn Money
Conclusion


Preface:

"Burning Man is about the experience, not the selfie." - Me after I lost my phone to the desert

Also here's my selfie for what it's worth:


I got my good side in this one

Let's get this out of the way right now.  Absolutely nothing I could write or display here would appropriately convey or prepare you for what this experience is truly like.  You could drown yourself in Youtube videos.  Read every article about the art, and the culture.  Talk to dozens of Burners who have already been.  Even attend one of the similar smaller Burner events that occur locally around the world.  

Conceivably after all that you could fool yourself into believing you have the feel for it.  But when you spend a whole week out in the desert oscillating between having an absolute blast, and just trying to survive... it's going to expose something about you.  Perhaps it will tell you more about who you really are.  Maybe your experience is going to be wondrous, overwhelming, yet joyous.  Perhaps you'll find yourself miserable, way out of your league, far far from home, and end it in tears.  For all one knows you'll still end the week in tears regardless, but only because you have to leave, and wish so desperately that you could go back.  Everyone's Burn is unique, and different.  

Welcome home.

Introduction:

So I’m on a date, and I don't think it's really working out.  This in itself isn’t anything new.  But I’ve just finished telling the story about how I nearly died during a race out in the Mojave desert when a sandstorm struck, and completely destroyed my tent.  Her eyebrows go skyward, and asks: “Have you ever been to Burning Man?”  “No but I’ve certainly heard of it.” I replied.  “Well you probably already have most of the equipment.  How about instead of doing all that running you just go out there, and enjoy a big party with a lot of art?”  To be honest I never thought about it before.  But I needed a vacation where I wasn’t killing myself training to run a race at a destination location, and something different than just lounging around a resort pool all day (not that there’s anything wrong with that mind you).

Barely a week later I’m running a five mile race when a completely random stranger asks me during the after party: “Have you ever been to Burning Man?”  Now I should qualify that I was wearing an elaborate over-sized faux fur coat at the time, and he informed me that similar ridiculous fur coats were popular at Burning Man.  Having been asked about this event more than once now by people who had experienced it I figure I should really check this thing out.

Expectations:

The only thing I knew about Burning Man to start with was its reputation as “Woodstock meets Mad Max.”  Tales and caricatures of the event dress it up as some sort of lawless drug fueled orgy out in the desert complete with: loud music, art installations, and more than enough bodily fluids flying around to justify wearing a poncho.  To possibly confirm or dispel this myth, and see if this event was really something I wanted to get into I began scouring websites while absorbing hours of video.  I knew there had to be more to this experience as there are many more hospitable places to throw a decent orgy than a hostile desert where sand is going to get ground into every crevice of your body.

Lets cover the basics of what I found:
  • Although there is music (and lots of it) this is not a music festival.  This is an entire temporary city - Black Rock City to be specific (BRC) built for one week out of the year by an extremely colorful artistic community with its own rich heritage, and culture.  One which is briefly populated by roughly 70,000 people making it briefly one of the largest cities in Nevada.
  • Black Rock City has a gift based economy.  Your money is literally no good here.  Seriously.  The only thing you can buy with actual paper currency is coffee and ice.  There is no swag.  There is no merch.  There is no trade.  People just give you stuff, and you freely give stuff to other people.  When I tried to explain this to a friend who works in Finance he simply could not wrap his head around the concept.
  • The “leave no trace” policy makes it not your average camping trip for a variety of reasons, and does require more logistical considerations (more on that later).
  • While Nevada may have some pretty generous laws regarding debauchery this is not a post apocalyptic wasteland with out rules, or law enforcement.  There are volunteer rangers around to mitigate most issues, and if necessary situations can be escalated to the local police.
  • You are responsible for your own shit/your survival at all times.  You only have what you enter the city with.  It may be colorful, but this isn’t Disney World.  You’re in a desert people.
  • Between all the: theme camps, music, art, bars, elaborately detailed “mutant” vehicles, events, and workshops for you to participate in Black Rock City is a choose your own adventure kingdom erected in an environment hellbent on destroying you.

Don’t Die:

Now I’ve been called “adventurous”...or “crazy” whichever you prefer.   But I’m not stupid.  Whenever I try something new it helps me to talk to someone who has already: been there/done that, ran that race, climbed that mountain, or taken that adventure.  And make no mistake I knew this is was going to be an adventure.  One I was performing solo.  

Fortunately the Boston Burners are a loosely affiliated group of enthusiasts that gets together to discuss Burner events at a bar near me every Tuesday.  At first I didn’t know what to expect.  I wasn’t sure how big the group was, or if I’d be able to pick them out of a crowd given how busy I know this bar is.  As soon as I walked in I immediately noticed a large group of folks several with: costumes, blue/green hair, and gadgets to show off as test subjects for larger art installations.  “Well that was easy” I thought.

I want to preface that on top of other anxieties I am in most cases an introvert that’s not always great at dealing with new humans.  That said everyone was remarkably friendly and helpful.  My main question was: “What’s the biggest piece of advice you would you tell someone who is going to Burning Man for the first time?”  The first answer I got was: “Don’t die.”  Which is exactly something I’d say to someone else in my position.  So I immediately knew I was in good company.  Seriously though every person I met was patient enough to allow me to pick their brain as to what this event was all about, and how to best survive/enjoy it.

Preparation:

In addition to a massive carry on backpack, and an average sized luggage bag I bought an over-sized duffel bag to contain the majority of my camping items.  My tent and my sleeping bag taking up most of the packing space.  You're welcome to check out my packing list vs what I purchased onsite here.  I felt reasonably well prepared going in, but I'd definitely do some things differently knowing what I know now.  It's really hard to dive into an adventure like this not knowing what to expect the first time around.

Walmart as a New Level of Hell:

I flew out to Reno Nevada Saturday afternoon attempting to get as much rest as possible on the plane in preparation for a very long day.  I could only bring so much with me on the plane so I planned to pick up my other necessities at a local Walmart.  Now Walmart isn't my favorite place to shop to begin with, but shopping at Walmart during an event like Burning Man was a whole new level of hell.

I once read this article about how Walmart can actually compare weather patterns to purchase behaviors.  So if a hurricane is coming they can look up what they sold out of last time when one hit the area then stock up on specific inventory (the example given was Strawberry Pop Tarts). The hurricane in our instance is called Burning Man, but nothing could prepare them for it.  I even talked to some of the workers who said they were specifically contracted out from other cities for this weekend, and they still seem extremely haggard. 

The store looked like it was hit with a tornado made from: chips, canned goods, and beef jerky.  If the Syfy Channel were to make a bad movie about it they'd title it "Beefnado".  The one thing Walmart did have nailed down was water.  Walls and walls of water.  Enough pallets of H20 to build a large house if you stacked them like Legos.  But I was surprised that they ran out of a number of other desert survival essentials.  I managed to score the very VERY last package of baby wipes from an entire empty wall of infant care products.  Unfortunately I had to kill a man to do it.  Sure maybe that's not in the spirit of Burning Man, but the desert is a filthy place, and Daddy has sensitive skin...

Entry:

I left the Walmart around 11PM expecting the drive out to Black Rock City to take about 3 hours... exhausted a little over 6 hours later I made it through the gate.

First while the staff was absolutely wonderful there is just no easy way to process tens of thousands of people descending onto once place at one time.  They need to validate your ticket as well as check your vehicle for stowaways.  That's right.  They need to check to see if your jerk friend Brad who couldn't score a ticket crammed himself in the trunk.  Now its one thing for them to take ten seconds to eyeball my gimpy economy class sedan rental car, but it's another for them to completely clear the folks who roll up into the event with RV's bigger than my apartment.  Seriously some of them are like roving mansions.

The other issue is most of the roadways leading to Black Rock City are on one or two lane highways, and all it takes is one accident to completely bring traffic to a standstill.  During one such stop I saw the result of a trailer towed by a truck that had literally carved a huge gouge into the side of an RV, and left shrapnel on the road the rest of the caravan had to maneuver around.


Weeeeee.....

Day 1:

A playa by definition is a dried lake bed where the ground contains alkaline compounds giving it a high pH level.  So while the floor isn’t exactly lava it’s not your average day at the beach either.  The fine dust is mildly caustic and gets into, and on everything which can result in an uncomfortable chemical burn.  So while your face isn’t going to melt off like a scene out of Indiana Jones it can become unpleasant if you’re not taking care of your skin, and your feet.

It's around 7AM at this point after my exhausting journey, and I can barely keep my eyes open.  I picked an open camping spot, setup my tent, and promptly passed out with my sleeping bag inside.  Some time shortly thereafter I awoke to the sound of a sand storm battering my tent.  The white out conditions continued for the better part of the day while I hunkered down.


Can you find Waldo in this picture?  Didn't think so.  Waldo belongs to the desert now. 

When the sandstorm subsided people started to come out of their tents, cars, and RV's to greet one another.  In order to make friends I used a time honored tradition.  It's something that should be studied by National Geographic as a method of modern treaty between human mammalian life forms.  I simply asked those setting up their structures around me: "Would you like a beer?" as I handed out cans of PBR.

I fully anticipated to do this adventure alone, and my goal was to be as self sufficient as possible.  But apparently when you're out on the playa you're never truly alone.  With no ability to pack a stove I expected that most nights I'd be eating cold soup in my tent for nourishment.  It was to my surprise that I had authentic Chinese hot pot on my first day.  A group from Taipei asked me to join them for dinner.  Over a delicious meal of stewed meat and vegetables we discussed how only in America could an event as crazy as this, and with so many people could happen.

Other days went similarly.  Basically one way or another you're almost guaranteed at least one hot meal per day by virtue of just walking around the camps which beats cold soup any time.  A group near me from Germany cooked an enormous amount of bratwurst, and authentic frankfurters. Now I don't know if you've ever experienced the "snap" when you bite into an actual true to the word hot dog, but it's completely different from what you get from your average American fair.  They even brought kegs of delicious beer from their homeland that I had never even heard of before. 

Over the coming week an incredibly diverse rag tag group of misfits around me organically formed a camp like nothing I would have ever anticipated happening.  It didn't mater where you came from.  Your stature in the real world.  How many times you've been to Burning Man.  Everyone came together to celebrate, and help one another in one of the harshest environments I've ever experienced.  It was beautiful.  I relied on them, and I miss them now that I'm back in the real world.  

Player on the Playa:

Black Rock City is laid out like a clock with it's radials numbered, and it's intersecting streets alphabetically named given the year's theme.  Since this year's theme was iRobot all of the street names had popular robot names like "Bender" and "Johnny 5".  Depending on where you needed to go, or how you traveled you could always tell where you were in the city by your radial number and robot name.

Map courtesy of burningman.org


This was my address for the duration.  Out on "K" I essentially I lived in the suburbs.

My tent was on K and 6.  Which was incredibly convenient for a number of reasons:
  • I was close to the porta potties...but not too close downwind.
  • At 6 it meant that I was dead center on the clock, and wouldn't have to travel longer distances to one side of the city or the other.
  • Center camp, The Man, and the Temple are all straight line landmarks to where I was staying making it easier to find my way home in the evening or wee hours of the morning.
  • The location was away from most of the booming music at night.  You still need to sleep with earplugs basically no matter where you stayed, but outside of the nearby bus depot it was relatively peaceful by comparison.

Thunderdome Should be an Olympic Sport:

In the movie Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome the post apocalyptic dome is a terrifying jungle gym sent from hell where two combatants strap themselves into a set of elastic suspenders in order to battle to the death.  The warriors are pushed and pulled all over the ring while beating the crap out of each other.  Two men enter.  One man leaves.

Now take that concept and add foam bats.  It's literally Live Action Role Playing Thunderdome, and it's glorious.  I mean just look at this shit.  I could (and did) watch it for hours (NSFW):



These people aren't playing either.  I witnessed couples cathartically beat the living hell out of each other.  I saw two five foot nothing women entangle themselves, and unleash a furious battle in a rage that was barely contained by their diminutive frames.  A campmate of mine participated in one bout, and we had to let him know whenever the bridge of his nose was still bleeding several days after.  Even the dome itself is out for blood.  People are allowed to climb it exactly like in the movie, but I witnessed one person fall off which required a stop in action, and EMT assistance.

Did I participate myself?  No.  Would I have loved to?  Hell yeah.  But because I broke my nose only a couple of months earlier in an accident I didn't want to have to explain to my doctor why he needed to reset it again.  "We're sorry son it turns out your insurance doesn't cover... let's see here... it says 'Injury as cause of, or pertaining to Thunderdome'."

Death Guild the encampment which runs/maintains the structure, and referees the fights does an amazing job of making it feel like you've truly stepped onto the set of a Mad Max film.  In short it was a sight to behold.

Orgy Dome, Nudity, and Consent:

OK fine.  Let's address the erotic elephant in the room.  Yes there is an Orgy Dome, and no it's not necessarily what you think.  To the average uninitiated conservative this is where they'd assume I'd be spending most of my time, but probably only after I sacrificed a goat to a long forgotten pagan god like a good little heathen.


Seriously this is where the line forms.

I was at a bar talking to one of their camp volunteers to get the details on all the hype, and to confirm some of the things I read about before taking this trip.

The Orgy Dome is couples oriented, and consent driven.  The idea is to provide consenting adult couples with a safe clean environment to engage in, or discuss sensual acts while keeping the creeps out.  So no you can't just roll in there all by yourself oiled up like a Greco-Roman wrestler holding a dildo in each hand ready to do things you've only ever seen done on questionable sites on the Internet.  Regardless the volunteer did invite me to swing by sometime, and check them out if I happened to find anyone out on the playa willing to participate.

Look I'm not going to lie to you Burning Man is a place of wide open self-expression.   You can dress as you see fit, or in many cases not dress as you see fit.  In short doctors have detailed anatomy textbooks with less nudity than what I saw while out on the playa.  Honestly it really was beautiful to see people just rock out with their whole selves out.  It's part of the experience, but it also makes consent all that more important.

I made friends with a young woman at a bar, and we planned to go get dinner together.  Before we left she turned to me, and specifically stated: "Just so you know I'm not going to the Orgy Dome with you... I've got a boyfriend back home."  I have to admit I was a bit taken aback as I couldn't think of anything I had said to her up to that point that suggested I wanted to get naked with her surrounded by a bunch of other lubed up strangers doing their business, but I assured her that was not my intention.  Later she told me that in her experience some men basically deflate, and lose interest when they know sex has be taken off the table.  I noted that she really shouldn't have to do that, but she responded that given the open freewheeling environment at Burning Man sometimes being that upfront/blunt is for the best.

I think when people hear about Burning Man in passing they obviously get fixated on the sexual aspect of the experience.  But for every Orgy Dome, or some other similar adult oriented event there's: 5 different types of yoga classes (cat yoga was my favorite), a painting session, a ballroom dancing lesson, an A Capella choir rehearsal, rock climbing, various workshops across hundreds of activities, and about a thousand other goings on happening out in the desert.  But no one ever says: "Those damn Burning Man hippies and their ballroom dancing."

Such wanton hedonism.  Won't someone think of the children?

Typical Day:

After a while time has no meaning at Burning Man.  You simply howl at the sunset as one day bleeds into another.  I frequently lost track of hours/days, and mostly flew by the seat of my pants with out a plan regardless of the thick itinerary book they give you when you first enter.  If I wasn't out with my friends from camp I'd pick a direction on my bike, and just get lost for the day letting the playa dictate my adventure.

On average you can among other things:

Go to a craft beer bar.  I went to several.  I never thought I'd be enjoying sweet mead, or a rich stout out in the middle of nowhere.

Go to an old school Roller Rink.  I didn't participate myself but I did watch a lot of people fall down.  You could even rent skates.



Go out with your camp to check out a specific art piece that involves flying drones that light up.  Get distracted by a dance party, and totally forget to see the original thing you all set out to see.  Get lost riding your bike back to your tent.  Stumble across Thunderdome.  Watch Thunderdome the whole night in awe until your eyes bleed.


I can't even.

Go out with your camp to literally watch two trains: violently collide, explode in a massive mushroom cloud, and burn to the ground.  Venture out to attempt to view that art thing you all failed at finding last time, but instead stumble around the desert in the dark for an hour because your entire squad forgot where you all parked your bikes.  Get overwhelmed by all the neon, and giant glowing mutant vehicles.  Finally find your bikes and go to that thing you set out to see in the first place only to find out that they canceled it do to weather conditions.  Leave disappointed.


I'm so overwhelmed.  I don't even know what's happening right now.

Sit in the shade with your campmates talking about how hot the day is.  Decide to all go to a Turkish Bath together where you get completely naked, and pile into a sweltering steam room with a bunch of other hot naked strangers.  Then while in the blazing sauna take turns hosing each other down with: water, soap, and essential oils.  Emerge from the bath: fresh, clean, triumphant, sporting skin as soft and glowing as a newborn baby.  Revel in the fact that after days of being beaten by: sun, dust, and filth your pores feel vibrant/alive.    Strengthen your weird bond with your camp because now you've all seen each other naked.

Make a new friend at a bar who knows a camp that's making quesadillas right now.  Agree to the fact this adventure is going to be purely platonic because she has a boyfriend back home.  Spill your entire life story complete with gory details to all the nice ladies at the camp who have provided you with some awesome quesadillas.  Get a temporary Henna tattoo.  Have a deep in depth conversation about life, and relationships with your new friend.  Lament the fact that you can't flirt with her because it wouldn't be right even though you feel like you're connecting with someone, and that's pretty rare in your life right now.  Leave camp to check out some art.  Journey to the outer edge of the city together.  End up at a lounge built out of the gutted remains of a massive 747 airplane.  Agree to go to a rave, but on the condition that we each kinda do our own thing.  Party your face off until 4AM.  Meet up with your new friend afterwards for a long drawn out awkward yet heartfelt goodbye.  Never see her again.  Crawl back into your tent around 5AM.  Take off your Tiger onsie.  Contemplate what the hell you're doing with your life. 

Yeah.  So any of that can pretty much happen at any time...

When Disaster Strikes the Playa Will Provide:

I had just gotten back to my tent after an exploratory bike ride around on Wednesday when I felt my pocket and realized that at some point during my journey my phone must have fallen out of my shorts.  I frantically tried to retrace my steps looking for my bright yellow and blue phone case on the streets to no avail.  My campmates reassured me that it would more than likely turn up in BRC's lost and found.

Now an average lost and found section conjures up images of people rummaging through a large cardboard box full of miscellaneous crap, but that's not so in BRC.  I was amazed to find that they had a highly organized, and well categorized system of finding lost items.  Apparently people lose a whole lot of crap to the desert.  So every day I'd go to the lost and found, and scroll through dozens of pictures of lost phones on the computer.  It could have been worse honestly.  There was a category for lost bags likely containing vital ID's, and other assorted valuables.  By Sunday I still hadn't given up hope, and as I scrolled through the pictures - there she was.  I howled in triumph, gave the nice lady my claim number, and told her about my two cats on the home screen as proof that this item was mine.  

Now I ask you.  Where else on planet Earth can you go to a city of 70,000 people.  Lose something of value.  Go to a central location, and have said item returned to you unscathed?  You think the cops in your local town are going to put out an APB on your ragtag iPhone with the kitty stickers on the case?  It just blew my mind.  Even though my phone was mostly useless out in the desert it's still a crutch.  I don't wear a watch.  I have a horrible sense of direction, and feel naked with out a GPS.  And even though I didn't want it to affect my journey it still weighed on me for part of the event.  An entire year of photos and memories potentially lost.  I was so ecstatic with my reuniting I agreed to make a promotional video for the lost and found section of BRC right there on the spot. 

Everything was going so well that day... then my car died.  

Yes died.  Imagine for a minute being out in the middle of nowhere miles and miles away from any sort of infrastructure.  You try to open the trunk, but are puzzled when it refuses to budge.  You try to turn the key in the vehicle, and absolutely nothing happens as your nerves reach peak anxiety.  Here's the deal.  I couldn't fit all of my bags, food, and equipment into my tent.  So it required frequent trips where I rummaged around my car for supplies, and clothing.  Each time I opened the car the lights came on, and ten days later the tiny battery in my Ford Focus rental gave up.  "Hi AAA?  Yeah I'm in the middle of the fucking badlands any chance you could you swing by and give me a jump?"

The. Playa. Will. Provide.

Immediately one of my campmates came by with a generator, and I was back up and running in a mere few hours.

I want you to think about that for a moment.  I didn't plan to camp with any of these good people.  I expected to be very much on my own for the entire trip.  But over the week we grew to know each other by shear will of shared survival.  These people cared for me.  Made sure I had breakfast in the morning.  Made sure I was never left behind.  In my opinion they, and this event represents the absolute best that humanity has to offer.

By the way I wasn't the only casualty of a dead battery.  Apparently this is fairly prolific problem throughout the week if you forget to run your car every now and then to recharge the battery.  A pregnant woman by a nearby camp saw that my battery was being recharged, and shared a similar story.  I told her if she couldn't find a jump soon that my friend would likely be more than willing to recharge her truck as well after I was back up and running. I checked in with her later that day to make sure she was alright.

Other Musings:

“I have seen things you people wouldn’t believe” 
-Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner also basically summing up all the crazy art I saw

I was walking along minding my own business when two beautiful Eastern European women stopped me at an intersection and asked if I knew where the Orgy Dome was.  Because when in doubt ask the guy wearing the Tiger onsie where the Orgy Dome is.  Anyway it took us less than 5 minutes to find the place from where we were (it was closed at the time), but they absolutely recommended that I swing by sometime.


Faaabulous...

"I didn't come (all this way/to Burning Man) to say 'No'"
-My impromptu camp's motto

"I just want to dress like a stripper and have deep meaningful conversations with people"
-Woman dressed like a stripper I had a deep meaningful conversation with that basically summed up the general feel of Burning Man

There are so many attractive people at Burning Man, and everyone is extremely friendly.  I feel both at once "Yes beautiful person, come over, give me a hug, talk to me." and "My god I am absolutely terrified by this whole situation."  The first day I was completely flabbergasted, and it took me a few conversations to get my verbal processes in working order again with out sounding like "Me like stuff too."

To that effect the people you talk to are amazing.  It's a powerful thing to share your story with an absolute stranger, connect briefly with them on some level, and then both move on to the next interesting person or conversation.

People occasionally spray each other with water mixed with essential oils as a refreshing break from the heat.  One woman asked me if I wanted to be sprayed with water and lavender.  I said sure.  She then proceeded to grab the front of my shorts and underwear and spray my junk.  Now I'm not complaining mind you.  But maybe I'm more of a peppermint essential oils guy down there ya know? 

"There's only one rule: No sex"
-Woman running the Turkish Bath

I was at a bar talking to a set of redheaded identical twins and their friends.  One friend of theirs was trying to egg the twins on to participate in the Thunderdome.  One twin was super into beating the hell out of her counterpart while the other wanted no business stepping into that ring.  I tried to make the case that this needed to be done for science, and that they'd be equally matched, but the latter twin was still not convinced.

"You don't want to sleep for the next 12 hours do you?"
-Guy offering me Adderall

People like to climb the art out on the deep playa like sun burnt spider monkies even when they're not supposed to.  I guess they like the challenge... or a concussion and a broken clavicle.  Seriously that thing looks like a giant wolf's head and has teeth.  Why the hell are you climbing it?  The sad part is if too many people climb your weird thing in the desert, and get hurt they can shut your instillation down.  Because spider monkies.

"You don't sound like you're from Boston."
-Basically everyone after I tell them I'm from Boston (I fought hard to linguistically retain my "R's" in my youth) then I have to do the whole damn "Pahk yah cah at Havahd Yahd" bit because everyone expects me to sound like some Masshole who fell off the set of Good Will Hunting.  How do ya like them apples?

I heard dozens of languages being spoken out on the playa.  I even saw couple people using ASL.  There's a special mobility station for people who can't use a bike, but need assistance getting around the city.  As far as I could tell nearly every race, creed, color, and culture was in representation.  It was damn near diverse as a UN meeting.  It didn't matter where you came from.  It didn't matter who you are.  It didn't matter what language you spoke.  It didn't matter what your level of mobility was.  This place is truly a great melting pot.  I was stunned by it all, and saw it as a shining example of what mankind could be if we all actually worked together.

Crazy things will spring up out of nowhere when you most need them/least expect them because the playa provides.  I was out on a long bike ride, exhausted, hungry, and really needed a rest.  Suddenly there was a hot dog stand... in the middle of nowhere... offering free hot dogs and shots of tequila.  I heard similar stories from campmates.  Battered by a scorching sandstorm?  Here's some random dude serving chilled towels to wipe yourself down with on a literal silver platter.  Took a tiring ride out to the edge of the city with not enough water, and find yourself dried out and parched?  Random person offering energy drinks to the rescue.  You can't make this stuff up.






"Oh wow let me check out the bottom of this."
-Woman who completely upended my horn cup thereby spilling an entire drink of cranberry and vodka all over me.  In her defense she felt really really bad about it, and my Tiger onsie has a thirst of it's own apparently so it absorbed the spilled beverage like a thirsty second skin. Honestly I hardly noticed.


This is called the Das Horn.  For when you want to drink like a Viking, but still want the added convenience of your hands free drinking unit to be dishwasher safe.

I mentioned before that money is useless during Burning Man outside of ice and coffee so if you're wondering how the bars work it's simple.  You hand them a cup.  They fill it with a delicious beverage.  Sometimes you have some flexibility, and choice.  Sometimes you just get whatever cheap beer, or exotic jungle juice they happen to have behind the bar.  Are you really going argue about free booze?

You're never going to be able to see everything.  There were places I vowed to revisit throughout the week, but because I forgot where they were on the clock I could never find them again.  They might has well have been a mirage.  Maybe some of them were now that I think of it.

Screw the people who stole street signs.  Some of us don't have a sense of direction, and now I have to pull over at this intersection to figure out where the hell I am.

You hear tales about how Burning Man can straight up destroy relationships.  It's not just the temptation of all the half naked pretty people running around.  It's the radical self reliance, and survival aspect.  Even if you're comfortable camping you're likely living in close quarters inside a storm battered tent with an inch thick layer of irritating dust at the bottom (because it's nearly impossible to keep the dust out of ANYTHING).  It's hot during the day, and frigid at night.  Maybe you haven't showered in days, and have been using baby wipes to supplement your hygiene.  You're exhausted because you camped near some all night EDM bass pounding thump-a-thon, and your earplugs are useless against the musical assault.  At some point you will probably be pushed well beyond your limits.  I can't reiterate enough that you absolutely do find out who you really are out here to the point where it might surprise you.  You may also be surprised to find out the person you're with isn't who you originally believed them to be.

Don't ask for the wifi password.  You're in a barren wasteland.  It doesn't exist.  Your phone's functionality is also going to be questionable for the duration.

From what I was told about this year's weather we were absolutely spoiled.  There are times when during the better part of the day you encounter complete white out conditions, and just have to baton down the hatches until the sand storm passes.  Or don't.  Put on your goggles, and dust mask.  Get on your bike.  Go nuts.  I don't advise it though.

You can earn a Playa Name.  A nickname that is special to you while you are out there in a Burning Man situation.  Some people garner one their first time out.  Some people I met hadn't been tagged with one in 10+ years going to the event.  After a couple iterations I was bestowed "Kathmandu" by my camp given that most of my outfits were cat related.  I accepted it with pride.  I am Kathmandu.

The Man:


The Man is your major landmark.  Your North Star.  At night he glows ominously.  And on Saturday fire dancers surround him putting on an impressive show.  He raises his hands... then as the name implies they light him up in glorious fashion.  It was a wild party, and I've never seen anything quite like it.

It's ritualistic.  It's primal.  It's a thrill to watch him go up in flames while a voracious crowd howls at the burning figure.







All that remains.

The Temple:

Now I am not a particularly spiritual or religious man, but it's hard not to feel emotionally overwhelmed when visiting The Temple.  It's the quietest place in Black Rock City.  The Temple lies a ways directly beyond The Man and serves as a non-denominational majestic structure devoted to letting go of the ones you've lost in your life.  You are free to: write messages, poems, and heartfelt phrases on it's pillars in marker.  Post photographs.  Erect small shrines to: loved ones, pets, friends, family, anyone you're desperately trying to let go of.  It's a peaceful place to meditate.  To collect your thoughts.  Or openly weep as you try to process your grief.  Personally I could only handle being inside the temple in small doses.  There was just too much emotion packed into that place.  It was at times both sorrowful, and yet hopeful.  

"Fuck Cancer"

"Love you"

"I'm sorry"

"You were the greatest"

"You taught me so much"

"Missing you"

"Thank you"

"Goodbye"

The Temple burns on Sunday at nightfall as a cathartic means of letting go.  There's very little fanfare in direct contrast to the burning of The Man.  Where the previous night's adventure was a raucous lively vivid affair The Temple burn is a somber moment.  I've never heard such a deafening silence produced by hundreds if not thousands of people as I did watching that structure go up in flames.  Then the mournful howls began.

It was profound.  I'm not too proud to say that I teared up as I watched it fall in on itself, and turn to blacken ash.







Gallery:

I saw so much crazy art out in the desert that it's hard to put to words.  Then at night everything takes on it's neon alter ego and lights up brightly.


It's good to see Sauron still working even after all that Lord of the Rings movie money dried up.

This is the first thing you see before heading out to the deep playa to see The Man. 

 Oh and it moves.

There's actually a pulley system in the monkey's back that lets you crash the symbols in it's hands together.

Yes these are two monstrously sized, and fully functional marionettes.


This dragon had a button on it's tail that when pressed would shoot out a gout of flame.

Here it is in action.


Whatever this bear did it must have been pretty bad.


This orb was absolutely massive.

Robo Kitty

Car phone or phone car?

The skyline at night from my camp while standing atop a campmate's RV

This camp was incredibly chill.  They served tasty bread.  And you could dance in the pineapple cage.

This is giant polar bear composed completely out of car hoods/parts.

Here's two giant ass Tesla Coils that can play music because why the fuck not?

A rhino mutant vehicle.  I would love to take this home and just tour around the streets of Boston in this thing scaring the crap out of the locals.

Stop and howl at the sunset.  HOWL AT IT.  Fuck the sun.  Long live the snake.

Literally a giant rainbow bridge.  I kept thinking about Kermit the Frog singing Rainbow Connection every time I saw it, and got kinda choked up.  Look everything goes by so fast, but it's still a long week...

This was a monumental tribute to the sandworms (Shai-Hulud) in the books/movie/tv series of Dune.  At the top of the parapet is a "thumper" which you can then use to "summon the worm".  The Spice must flow.

This turtle while beautiful during the day was absolutely majestic at night, and I regret forgetting to snap a photo of him in his full night time splendor.

Hey want to slide down a slide that looks like a giant facehugger from the movie Aliens?  Only at Burning Man.

Front View of the facehugger slide.

So I saw a significant number of mutant vehicles take on the guise of wheeled pirate ships while out on the playa.  Each with staggeringly tall crow's nests that had cautionary signs like "climb at your own risk" and "[X] # people maximum".

You know after a while you just start running out of words for shit like this...

Day in the life on 6 and K.  This was my hood.

No it's cool I'm just going to live with this strange nightmare the rest of my life.

This banana boat car just reminded me that I needed to put on more sunscreen.  Surprisingly as someone with the complexion of Caspar the Friendly Ghost I did not get sunburned at all thanks to the compound layers of lotion I religiously applied to my skin each day.  Before I washed off I could fly as high as Icarus without feeling a damn thing.  Seriously I absorbed as many Gamma rays as The Hulk, and didn't get angry or turn green once.

This was a mutant vehicle that was shaped like a giant fire extinguisher that ironically shot flames from it's hose.

This was one camp's tribute to Anthony Bourdain.  I kinda had a sad when I first witnessed it.

Oh hai!  I'm just out here twirling some fire like the kids do these days.  You might want to stand way the fuck back.

Fire Poi everywhere.

Part of the fire dance spectacular during the burning of The Man.  Seriously so much beautiful fire dancing.

I had never witnessed fire fans before so this was a mesmerizing first for me.

Our camp mascot.  We were weird.  Gloriously gloriously weird.

Leave No Trace:

What separates Burning Man from your average camping trip is the principle of “leave no trace” and MOOP (matter out of place).  So no you can't just pee out on the playa.  No you shouldn't dump water over your head, or setup a camp shower without some sort of basin to catch the waste/grey water (your body is covered in sunscreen chemicals among other disgusting things that don’t belong naturally out on the playa) .  Glitter is Satan’s dandruff.  Don’t bring your favorite feather boa, and pretend you’re a wrestler.  You need to pick up your matter out of place (general shit that doesn’t belong out in the desert)  before leaving camp, and make it look as much as you were never there as possible.  Personally I didn't have a lot of grey water to dispel so if I had to rinse anything like my cup I used a collapsible bowl with a hand towel layered at the bottom for easy sun evaporation.

There is no massive dumpster at Burning Man.  Which means you have to maintain, and take all your trash out with you when you leave to dispose of later.

Exodus:

Looking back my plan to leave Burning Man was a bit fast, and loose even though I gave myself plenty of flexibility.  I put so much emphasis on just getting there, and making it through the week that I really didn't solidify how/when I'd get the hell out.  Similar to the logistics of the entry process you can't just allow thousands of people to descend onto a one lane highway without chaos.  So the staff implements a system of "pulsing".  You wait in a corral of cars for a set period of time as they allow a limited number of vehicles to make it from the playa to the roadway.  Depending upon when you leave Burning Man said set period of time could be: an hour, several hours, or in case of an emergency 10 hours.  This is why I left Monday but planned my flight for Tuesday.

In the back of my mind my original plan was to leave super late in the middle of the night on Monday, and arrive at the Reno Airport for my afternoon flight early Tuesday (spending time in the morning resting at the airport if necessary).  But then I realized I had: two bags of trash, several left over jugs/bottles of water, and a bunch of canned food I didn't eat that I couldn't exactly dump, or take with me on the plane.   So at some point I had to hit the road during normal working hours, and find a place to unsaddle everything as well as potentially get gas since I was sitting at half a tank with miles and miles ahead of me.

First as soon as Saturday comes for The Man to burn things around BRC start shutting down.  That favorite bar you used to go to during the week collapses it's shade structure, and is no more.  Sunday when The Temple burns is more of a "get your shit together to get out day" than a "continue to party your face off day".  So by Monday there's not much left to do except comb your camp area for MOOP.  At that point my new plan was: I'd leave Monday afternoon, find some place to unload everything I couldn't take back to Boston with me, and determine somewhere to sleep Monday night on the fly.

I only had to wait in the corral for a half an hour before hitting the road which was a relief.  Then unloading my trash, and donating all the water/energy drinks/cans of soup I didn't consume wasn't an issue.  As soon as I made it a few miles back to civilization I found a place that accepted non-perishable donations, and disposed of my trash for $5 a bag.  Shortly thereafter I hit a full service gas station that eased my worries about making it through Native American reservation territory only to crap out when I eventually hit Reno.  I even had time to enjoy a Native American taco at a food stand which is basically everything you'd expect from a taco only on fried bread instead of a tortilla.  I didn't realize that the small towns  surrounding the area really rely on Burning Man to supplement their economy.

I hit Reno way WAY ahead of schedule in the afternoon.  In retrospect I really should have nailed down a hotel room ahead of time.  I was reminded by my campmates that given the fact that it's Labor Day weekend rooms might be hard to come by.  So as a back up I was fully prepared to do the most 'Murica thing possible... sleep in my car at the Walmart parking lot.  As luck would have it though I asked Google to find me the cheapest hotel possible in the area, and for $94 dollars I stayed in a modest room 6 minutes away from the airport.  BEST.  SHOWER.  EVER.

This Trip Can Burn Money:

A more cautious person would have checked out one of the smaller local Burner events such as Firefly in New England, but because my life is a series of extremes I decided to jump right into this.

“It’s not cheap” was the mantra I kept hearing going in, and I’d say “It’s like paying for a 4 star resort vacation, and then cramming yourself into a dusty tent for a week instead” is also an accurate statement.  The overall cost was significantly more than my week long excursion to an all inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic I took last year.  But there are ways to mitigate the overall cost depending upon your: logistical choices, comfort level with desert camping, equipment costs, luck, and how much independence you want on the playa.

The ticket alone can set you back as the price increase from $800 to $1200 the closer you get to the event.  Although there is a financial assistance option you can petition for, and volunteer programs worth checking out depending upon your situation.

Logistically you need to weigh your options.  I wanted to have full control (or as much control as possible) over my situation at all times.  Which means I rented a car, and paid an extra $80 for a car pass when I could have: taken a shuttle, chartered a small plane (there is an actual airport in BRC), or explored some sort of ride share option.  I also chose to accept extra baggage fees instead of leveraging shared space in a local community shipping container.  I rented a bike on the playa before I got there, and picked it up on premise rather than shipping my own.  I had a lot of the camping equipment from previous trips, but I could have tried to join a "plug and play" camp that provides a number of necessities for a price.  In the end I ended up sharing resources with the generous people around me.  It speaks well to the environment where something like this could happen organically.  

Also you don’t need the expensive wind resistant tent to enjoy yourself.  Me?  I hate sandstorms.  So I’m past the point of playing.  


Bare in mind there might also be costs you didn't consider.  There was almost no way to keep all the playa dust out of my rental car.  By the end I just gave up, and accepted the $350 detailing fee to get the vehicle purged of sand.  Bikes do get stolen out on the playa too.  So unless you want to lose your wheels you should lock that thing up no matter how short you think your stay will be in a given location.


Long story short once you have your ticket it’s only as expensive as you make it.  You can survive scrappily in a beat up Walmart tent, or to put into perspective Elon Musk, and the other technocrats of the world drop an excess of $25,000 each to have all their creature comforts catered to including a private chef.  That said I don’t want to know what sushi tastes like out in a desert.  You’re really rolling the dice out there on that one.

Conclusion:

Leading up to this trip I'd been experiencing both bouts of depression, and anxiety.  I work from home most days, and while it gives me flexibility it also leads to a sense of isolation.  There are days when I end up talking to my cats more than I do humans.  The sources of my day to day discomfort included everything from: regular work stress, a suffering social life, the grueling dating scene, overthinking regrets/mistakes, and finally the thought that maybe I had really made a horrible mistake signing myself up for this crazy thing.  Now back after surviving 10 days in the desert with an amazing community... all of my real world problems seem so small.  

For me this was an incredibly rewarding, and life changing experience.

Should you go, and would I go again?  For me I don't think it's a matter of if as much as when.  But I really would like to go with someone I know, and share the journey with them while applying everything I learned from my first round to make the adventure easier.

If you're out there reading this, and you've been thinking of going I'd say do it.  But prepare.  It's not always a positive experience for everyone, and to a certain extent as the old U.S. Navy SEAL saying implies you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable.  Challenge your own ways.  Howl at the sunset.  Think wilder thoughts.  Get dirty.  Get naked.  Get out there, and have the time of your life.

Welcome home.

6 comments:

  1. Great recap, Keith. Very happy for you taking this trip and especially glad that you documented it. A great read. Thanks for sharing. :)

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  2. Thanks Keith! Love hearing of your adventures, wherever you are.

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  3. Awesome write-up Keith! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this.

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  4. Lovely read and great attitude. I hope to meet you in person, come to decom! Thank you!

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  5. Since you are a runner you should add the 50k to your next burn

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  6. Been looking into Burning Man for a while now...this is a great write-up. Makes me want to really get out there now. Thank you for putting this together.

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